I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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