Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
