I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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