Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
