What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You've changed since you got that strap on
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
