now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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