watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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