If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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