I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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