You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
