I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
