I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
