She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
