Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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