we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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