Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
