I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
