I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
