She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
