If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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