Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
