too bad you live with your parents still
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
