I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
