you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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