Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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