P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
