I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
pray to the hookup gods
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
