somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
