How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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