I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
