Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
