Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He uses pillows to masturbate.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
