I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
