WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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