worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
