so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
