12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
