dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
