your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I want to be your penis for a week.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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