just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
