You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
