The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
