I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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