"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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