just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
