I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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