I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
