i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
