Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
