I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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