just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
