A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
