last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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