Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just forgot I was standing up.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize