the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
