You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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