Christians are straight up FREAKS
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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