We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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