i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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