i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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