cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
