So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
