I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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