i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
