So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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