We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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