i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
