he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
