Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
ttyl tear gas
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
