I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
