i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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