Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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