Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
