Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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