Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
