Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
