Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
