just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
True strength comes from lack of pants
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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