yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
