I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
