So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize