Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My vagina is officially offended.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
