i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My bed smells like the plague
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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