i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
