We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
