I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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